“In Venice, Italy they don’t have streets they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals. In Venice if you’re not book smart, but you do know what’s going on, you are canal smart. “I got canal smarts bitch!””—Mitch Hedberg
“(Talking about his drink) Look at all the limes in this god damn thing! This fuckin’ thing is tropical! Look at the limes, how they float. That’s good news. Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. Like I’ll be water-skiing without a life preserver, people will say “What the fuck?” and I will pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus”—Mitch Hedberg
“This is what my friend said to me; he said, “Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.” It’s like,”Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you’re gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there.”—Mitch Hedberg
Oh my god not the sex and the city press machine again
I swear to god the upcoming SATC sequel was just made to rake in wheelbarrows of dirty money and deprive me of my mental sanity.
What i mean is i don’t know if i can bear to see another longwinded article on my newspaper about how much sex and the city empowered women all around the world and dramatically altered their lives forever, like it’s not at all just a tv show with sarah jessica parker but rather some kind of inescapable feminist milestone of the twentieth century.
Give me a break, love or hate it, we could at least be honest enough and call it escapist fantasy? Like, i don’t know, iron man? It’s not like people are writing that iron man was empowering to, let’s see, nerds and what, engineers because yes, i mean, it showed they can build things in a cave with a box of scraps and are probably more useful to society than all of us. Nobody said that, because it is as stupid as it sounds. So yes, i’m not gonna end this with a women, know your place type of statement, but really, girls, fine, flock to the theater and fill up that wheelbarrow but please don’t delude yourselves: this is just like the all girl A-team, or something like that
I sure hope this is true, and not some kind of malfunction:
It left Earth 33 years ago, now it’s claimed the Voyager 2 spacecraft may have been hijacked by aliens after sending back data messages NASA scientists can’t decode.
NASA installed a 12-inch disk containing music and greetings in 55 languages in case intelligent extraterrestrial life ever found it.
But now the spacecraft is sending back what sounds like an answer: Signals in an unknown data format!
This needs to be true. If there is some other universe where I learn about a spacecraft named Voyager possibly being hiijacked by aliens from someone other than Wil Wheaton, I don’t want to ever go there and as a precaution, it should just be destroyed. This is too fucking perfectly awesomely perfect.