Pacific Rim

As I become older, I just can’t get into some movies, or stories, let’s say, due to some sort of extreme bullshit alarm going off in my mind.

Like, Pacific Rim, I can totally get into it, on paper, fuck yeah giant robots for life, as a concept, but when it actually happens on screen, in the trailer, the plot supporting the idea seems just so far fetched that I immediately don’t think it’s plausible at all. It’s just for ‘reasons’.

It reminds me of that comic strip about the guy who always wants to build a labyrinth, i’m sure there’s this mad scientist that always wants to build a giant robot for the sake of it, I can picture him in the warroom shooting his hand up at every crisis, asking for the go-ahead on the hugeass fighter robots program. So Godzilla rolls around, every other option exhausted, now they have to go for that, right guys?

I mean, scary monsters emerging from the ocean? Yeah I guess it might happen, but why would you build a giant humanoid robot thing to punch them in the face? It’s just, it doesn’t seem an elegant solution to the problem. Even if the thing had a fucking house sized assault rifle, wouldn’t the bullets from that thing actually be pretty much as big (or smaller than) those icbm things? Which we’ve had for decades now? I don’t know.

It’s the avengers all over again. Yeah for a bunch of guys they’re pretty much formidable, but I’m sure even a single army division could have stopped that half assed aliens on flying mopeds invasion just as well.

Brief list of 2013 summer movies I find equally implausible.


Escape Plan

*Note about superhero movies. They should fit squarely in this category, but due to those weird characters and stories (seriously, planet Krypton uugh) having existed and being told and retold since forever I guess they’ve almost cemented in this sort of alternate reality in pop culture where they could and do exist, just in the same way you’d believe your parents about santa and shit, because everybody was into it and quoting it and perpetuating that bullshit year after year.